a sad day

in memory

my sweetie here on the right side



I discovered her ill in the bottom of her cage this afternoon. We tried to help her but she died this evening.

I was never able to gain her trust like I did with her brother but she was still a sweetie. She was really shy and dependant on her brother. She followed him everywhere he went around the house when I gave them free time. We'll miss her greatly and I know my little fella sitting here on my shoulder is going to miss her even more than we will.

school of hard knocks

As a parent, you see the signs of heartbreak ahead. You dread what you can see in the future for your child. Then it happens. I have my hands full for now. sigh

blue stripe!

Last week my youngest asked if he could get a light saber if he got his blue stripe. "Sure" I said. Well, he wanted me to pay up today. He showed that he'd been practicing and nailed his white belt form! Yippee! I'm so proud of my boys. Next, on to that red stripe and then yellow belt testing in three weeks!

Jim got his first paycheck today and in normal immature 15 year old fashion, blew it all in one day. grrrr

nice time with my boys

James can't stand to have the boys in kitchen when he's cooking. I don't know why. It has always been a fun time spent with my kids.

We'd been running as usual and were all starving when we finally got home so my younger two just naturally followed me into the kitchen. They first off wanted to express their thoughts on what we should cook and we finally settled on a favorite of ours.......scrambled hamburger w/gravy, rice, veggies, bisquits.......just a simple, tasty meal. They pitched in right away wanting to chop the onions and pulling out the pans needed that were in the lower cabinets. They stayed involved from beginning to end and we just had alot of fun working together. The best part is with their own time invested they thought it was the best meal ever. For my part, I love making these great memories with my kids. I wouldn't give it up for the world.

what a day!

Beautiful outside. Sunshine with a spattering of clouds and warmer than my delicate skin prefers......but inside was a different story. I still prefer the idea of working at home but some days some of these people just wear me out! Getting chewed up and spit out for doing what I was trained to do and following procedures does sometimes make me want to throw up my hands and quit. There are a lot of angry people out there. On the other hand, most of the people I deal with are great. I get plenty of compliments, as well, from people that appreciate what I do. It really helps. Always be kind to those poor folks that answer 800 numbers.......you just might be talking to me!

Tomorrow looks to be another crazy one for me.......working, driving kids to and from work, waiting for a repairman for the stove and hoping he gets here before I have to leave for my doctor appointment tomorrow afternoon, then dinner and church. What happened to my lazy days of just playing with my babies all day???

Actually, I've been thinking alot lately about how different my life would be right now if I hadn't lost my two babies, esp. the last one....thinking about how my life would be affected by having a newborn right now. I'm torn. Some days I want to try again. I feel that emptiness. I want the joy and wonder of a brand new life. I love my kids and would love to have more. OTOH, my word, I am 40! What am I thinking?!?!?!

steppin' out for a moment...

It is HOT! I'm in PAIN! James is in a MOOD! I'm ready for a vacation from my life....is that allowed?

short circuit

I know better....or at least I should. I need to write down every appointment, otherwise I'll forget something. Yesterday was work, as usual, that I'd cut short for an important afternoon meeting. Later was TaeKwonDo with practicing beforehand to try to get the form down to get another stripe. The boys count the days between classes. On the way home from class I get the phone call........I forgot that we were supposed to skip TaeKwonDo and instead was supposed to bring my son to therapy. Blast it all! He needed it this week and now I'm out a freaking $40 fee for missing an appointment. I need use a permanant marker and write across my wall really large WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN, YOU DIMWIT!!!

I'm in the midst of a decision. I have a chance to take on another project with my job. It could be good. It's not *exactly what I wanted but another opportunity. It won't stop me from the opportunity that I really want but may delay it a bit. It is just with my hectic summer schedule (who am I kidding...my school schedule will be just as bed!) I don't know if I want to take on the training it will require over the next two weeks. What to do??? I'm sure I'll probably take on the challenge. I always do.

My biggest frustration of the day.......knowing I was working right up to when we had to leave for a doctor appointment and not be home again until past 7:00 I asked these teens to *please cook dinner for us before we had to leave. No such luck. What else is new?

I do have to say, though, that therapy left me feeling ready for a nap today!!! It didn't last long......I left there to make what is normaly a 15 minute trip but today was 45 minutes........what a pain! But the massage and therapy helped ease some of the pain for awhile. I think I might need to send James to a massage class.........hmm..........

Saturday morning weighin wk1

WooHoo!!! I beat him! I beat him!

I lost 5lbs and he lost 4lbs.

OK, now on to next week......without my bike :(

a day of relaxation

It has been quite awhile since I've had the leisure of not having to work or run off somewhere.......not that I didn't have plenty to do around here but I took a much needed ahhh day. I do have to go to therapy later but not much work in getting a massage. (G)

It has been a quite day unless you count the fit the teen threw over being grounded from the phone. He thought he could annoy me enough I'd let him do whatever he wanted. He quickly found out that would just get his grounding extended......and believe me, loosing phone priviledges is tuff for him. He thinks he'll just die if he has to go one day without talking to his girlfriend. Tough luck! He needs to learn to be more respectful.

I walked past the younger boys room earlier. They had made tents and all their beanbag chairs and pillows on the floor underneath and there they were with a light and looking thru one of their treasure hunt books....they *love those books. They said they "were relaxing". too cute

And Jen? Why she is in there napping, of course! For a kid that used to absolutely HATE sleeping (thought she'd miss something!) it is amazing how much she wants to sleep now. The worrisome part is it is showing up in her weight and she doesn't care to cooperate to do something about that.

I somehow got a stinkin' virus on my computer. It would spontaniously restart whenever it wanted. Then I found that my virus subs. had expired. argh Because I work at home and depend on the stability of my computer I had to take care of that today. After I finished that I loaded a printing program I had bought for the boys and they had fun making/printing a few things. They made a Father's Day card that is just too cute. I need to figure out what we are getting James for Father's Day. I'm clueless at this point.

my fighter trainee

I watch this little boy working hard to get his yellow belt and I just have to admire him. Despite the struggles and frustrations he has had all his life he still picks himself up and moves on the the next thing. The frustration at his limitations does make him quit often but with most things he is willing to come back and try again and again. Watching him this evening at TaeKwonDo class I was reminded of him coming to me just a month ago, disappointed with himself at what he felt where his failures. He asked me, "Mom, why am I not good at anything?" I had to struggle to come up with a good answer for him. So I was watching him this evening, watching how well he is doing after just 2 weeks of class. I'm excited to watch him do something that he is great at doing! I makes me want to do everything possible to make sure I have the money to keep him in it. It's good for him......healthy and esteem building.

little miss homebody

I half expected this to happen..........She has been working what, 2 weeks now? Jen is already talking about when she can quit. She wants some of her summer to be free to do nothing. She does need down time because she takes quite a heavy load of classes but I think having a summer job is a great experience as well. It's not like she works every day. She is working four days a week and some of those only 3 hour shifts. What is a mom to do?

crash and burn

I'm sad today. My $10 yard sale stat. bike broke yesterday. :(

other people's kids

People can be so frustrating sometimes! My son has a couple of friends, twin brothers. So I've told them and their mom that I work at home. I guess I am going to have to be explicit and tell them not to come here at all during the week. Here is what happened yesterday...

They both showed up here about 8:30. My son had already left for work and I was working my morning shift. Then they hang around here the entire day! Mind you, these boys are 15 and my youngest boys are 7 & 10. So then I have to deal with them wanting me to leave my young boys with them while I ran my daughter to work.......NO WAY......Or dealing with them wanting to hang out at my house while I have to go out for an appointment which makes me late. But the worst of what happened was their mom showing up at my son's workplace, risking his job, demanding to know where her boys were!

So, yes, I am annoyed. I am usually a pretty easy going person but I don't think it is too much to expect others to respect my time. I'm a busy person as most of us are.

a contest

Well, dh finally did it. He got me to agree to a contest. I've agreed to a $5 payout if he loses more weight than me during the next 4 weeks. Of course, he has a great advantage over me..........all HE has to do is starve himself and he drops inches in no time. I can't do that so I have alot of hard work ahead of me. He's doing TaeKwonDo with the 2 little boys. I had him pick up a stationary bike at a yard sale so I've had a great start with that. I ride at least 30 minutes everyday while I'm watching news. I tell you, though, one huge advantage of the stat. bike is being able to do it indoors!!! I'm a big weenie! lol I hate the heat. I can work up a good sweat and get my pulse up to a good rate all with my trusty fan going. hehe No, it helps me from getting so hot I have a darn asthma attack. Anyway, weigh-in is Sat. morning........watch for an update!

bored outta my mind

OK, so I go from racin' to being bored outta my mind at work.......never a happy medium there.

It's quite this am. The noisy teen is gone to work and the two young'uns are still sleeping. And of course, as soon as I start on this things start shakin'! And being hungry is not making my mood any better.

la la la.......I'm bored.........It's sunny and HOT. I need to set up the slipnslide tunnel for the young'uns for this afternoon. If they run and play in the water for a couple hours then get an hour of TaeKwonDo they should be a couple of tired little boys tonight! hehe I like to keep them busy and active.

a buddy!!!

introducing our newest family member........Buddy!

He is a 16 month old Lhaso Apso and just the greatest guy. We love him already. He's gentle but loves running and playing with the boys or just cuddling.

pain, pain, and more pain

I'm sick of seeing doctors, dealing with insurance companies, and the rat race I'm in at the moment. This week I'm working 40 hours while in pain all the while chauffering kids to work, dr visits, TaeKwonDo, etc, etc and I am exhausted! TaeKwonDo is proving to be great for these two youngun's. They are actually quite good at it. The summer jobs for the teens are going great. I'm glad. Jen needs something to get her out of the house - she is too much of a homebody and Jim needs something to use up some of his excess energy.........and boy does he have some!!! (Besides, I can use some relief from buying school clothes. hehe)